Long time no see

So it has been a week since I last posted. My sister came up last weekend and took most of my time. Then I had a few days off of work, so I spent my time going out with the lesbians I have lost contact with over the months I have been working two jobs. To catch you up last Saturday I met a girl. I am going to call her KV here. It may seem like, having a beautiful FTM husband may impede upon my ability or desire to meet women. To the contrary, I love women and sexual tention with women, so I love to flirt with and then befriend beautiful women. KV showed up at a friend's house who was hosting a college football party. When she came in I didn't think much of her, but her wit and sacastic nature quickly drew me in. By the end of the night I gave her my facebook and the next days we were texting constantly. I adore her, and as often happens in my lesbian female friendships, it is a total recreation of the sexually tense friendship A and I shared when he was M. I think A finds this amusing, maybe irritating when I pay someone more attention then him. I think he realizes, however, that it is the sincerest form of flattery.

To explain the next part of this story you must understand that A and I have had ske problems in the bedroom. Namely, him dealing with some past abuse has made it difficult for him to happly engage in sexual acts. Thought this means his therapy is going great, it makes for a very sad me. I am an incredibly sexual person, and am used to being in relationships with biological males, who will never turn you down. This has been really bothersome for me. It hurts my feelngs and makes me feel disconnected from him. It also makes me grumpy and horny so KV was a welcome distraction. A seemed a little disgruntled when I was texting her in front of him, which is unusual for him, but I was finding great joy in her and our connection has been strained from lack of sex.

We have discussed taking on a partner for me when things are like this for him. I can't bring myself to do it because all I really want is him. Every girl I lust after is because she reminds me of M. I am drawn to women who evoke some memory of that friendship, whether physical or emotional. I can't imagine making one of them a lover, because it would be a mere shadow of what I have with him.

So after A and I discussed our romantic troubles yesterday we both felt a lot better. We then met the ladies, including KV at a local bar for drinks. KV and I were inseperable, giggling and talking all night. I don't think that I am her physical type, but we really click mentally. Again and again we came together, drinking and gushing. Then she dropped the bomb, she brought up that she had been sexually abused and we talked about her possibly getting some therapy to help her process it. She was pretty drunk when she spilled it, and later on she seemed bothered she had brought it up. She slept at our house, on the couch of course, and left before I woke up this morning. She left me a message on facebook but not too many texts today. I am betting she is embarrassed about sharing her abuse story. *sigh* so now I am down one pleasant mild-obsession and I still have a husband who is sexually stagnant at the moment.

I know, not a great way to end a post, but not all days are perfect between us. We struggle and fight with the best of them. I can't wait until we can get back to our normal though, I miss both my friend and lover. Besides, when we are solid I could care less if I lose some friend over a drunkly spilled secret.